Chicago Chronicle

Commissioner calls Selig a wimp. Again.

Wrigleyville – "Unlike Selig, when I ban a player he stays banned," announced The Commisioner Decatur Hilltop Griggs as he left his posh mansion on North Magnolia.

cuban cigars This is in response to a reported meeting that the Commissioner had with Mark Henderson. Henderson has been banned from the IFL since it's inception.

Henderson had been telling people that "it looks good" that his life time ban was going to be lifted. Henderson had felt that the meeting had gone well and that he had convinced the commissioner to allow him to play in the third season of the IFL.

The commissioner felt otherwise, "He knocked on my door and was completely drunk. I had just settled down to wonderful dinner with Paul Tagliabue and Daniel Stern when the doorbell rang. The buffoon had planned to give me a bottle of scotch as a gift in hopes that I would reinstate, but he had drank the entire bottle before I had opened the door. He was tanked."

Henderson had felt that with the current rumors of Pete Rose being allowed back to baseball, would help convince the Commissioner in to allowing him back into the game.

"Mark Henderson will never be allowed to play in my league as long as I am the Commissioner," announced the Commissioner as he was leaving the Chicago Athletic Club Thursday evening. "Besides he deletes too many annonymous posts on those improv message boards."

"Can I delete that last announcement?" asked Henderson when he was informed of the Commissioners statements. When he was informed that he could not, Henderson put on his beer hat and sadly walked into the sunset.

Decatur Hilltop Griggs and Mark Henderson: never the twain shall meet!